Questions about Suicide
Over the years I’ve been asked a lot of questions about suicide. Unfortunately, recent events have brought all these back up again. So, in order to have a place to point people to, I’ve written up a few of the most common ones, and my answers to them.
- Is suicide unforgiveable?
- Why would God let this happen
- Why would someone kill themselves?
- I feel like she did. What should I do
- How can I help my friends?
Is suicide unforgiveable?
Let’s be clear on this: Suicide is not an unforgiveable sin. People have often heard this from people, but the reality is that it’s not something anyone got from the Bible. Yes, suicide is a sin, but Jesus died and rose again to forgive sinners.
Why do people teach that suicide is unforgiveable? The short answer is they don’t understand the Gospel. They divide sins into two categories: Those that can be forgiven (like anger and lust) and those that can not be forgiven. They believe these unforgiveable sins keep you out of Heaven, and either you go to hell because of them, or you have to pay for the sins yourself before going to Heaven. This is not true.
There are two things to know about sin, a “bad news / good news” sort of thing. The bad news is that even what we consider small sins deserve God’s judgement. James 2:10 says that “whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it.” There are no degrees of sin.
The good news is, Jesus won our forgiveness by dying on the cross and rising again. We are saved from the judgement of God because Jesus took our place. We didn’t do anything to earn this — we did not deserve it. And since we did not earn it by doing something, it’s not something we can lose by doing or not doing certain things.
Why would God let this happen?
I don’t know. I have a lot of sympathy for people who struggle with this question. The honest truth, though, is that God doe not always tell us why certain things happen. What we can know for certain, though, is that God is for us, loves us, and can bring great beauty from terrible events.
Some people try to “help God out” in these situations. Their intentions are good, but they have to reduce who God is. For example, some people will say that God didn’t know for certain this would happen, he only knew of the possibilities. Others will say God knew it would happen, but because he doesn’t violate free will he could not stop it. The Bible, however, never speaks this way about God. And, personally, I find no comfort in a God who is not in control.
In Isaiah 46:10, God is described as “declaring the end from the beginning,” and is show saying “My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.” In other words, God knows what will happen and has a plan. And Proverbs 21:1 says, “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will.” God is in control.
So then, why did this happen? How can I say that God loves us and is for us? The answer to both these questions is the same: I know because of Jesus. The greatest tragedy imaginable is the murder of Jesus. Jesus never sinned — never committed a wrong action, never had a wrong thought. He healed the sick, fed the hungry. And for his trouble he was brutally tortured to death.
But from the greatest possible evil, God brought the greatest possible good. As a direct result of the murder of Jesus we can have our sins forgiven.
So I don’t know why this terrible thing happened. But I do know that God is in control. And because Jesus died for me while I was a helpless sinner and enemy of God (Romans 5:8,10) I know that God is for me. And, because God saved the world through the murder of his perfect son, I know that God works evil to good. This is what Joseph meant when he said to his brothers (who had sold him into slavery): “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20).
Why would someone kill themselves?
There are a number of reasons. Someone gets to a point where they believe they would be better off dead. Or they think everyone else would be better off. Still others think it’s a way to finally get the attention they’ve always wanted.
Usually it has something to do with circumstances seeming to be too much to handle. This is why it’s important to talk to people if you’re struggling.
I feel like she did. What should I do?
Talk to someone. Be open and honest about how you’re feeling, and find some people to help you work through it all. One of the worst things is feeling that you’re alone and have no one to turn to. I can promise you you’re not alone.
How can I help my friends?
Let them talk, and listen to them. You know you don’t have all the answers, and that’s perfectly fine. You don’t have to solve their problems, you just need to help them realize they’re not alone.
If your friend mentions suicide, get help. Tell a parent, teacher, Sunday school teacher, or anyone else you trust. You’re not getting the person in trouble, you’re helping them. It’s serious, and we want to make sure everyone is handling their pain and struggles in a healthy way.